There are these middle school boys who drive their electric bikes and scooters all over Highland Park. Every time they whiz past me, I think about when we were younger and had mint-colored electric scooters that we would pack up in my dad’s car and take to the Galey’s house. We’d show up with our giant scooters in tow, ready to play. I want to say that Kate and Gracie got theirs from Santa in North Carolina and I was SHOCKED that Santa knew they were there to bring their scooters. I remember Kate’s was purple with flowers. We wanted to grow up so badly. We would tear up the streets of White Plains with those scooters. Natalie and I made up a “dance” routine to Circus by Britney Spears with those scooters. So, every time I see those boys it takes me back to simpler times. I miss it.
It makes me think of Thomas Rhett’s song “Sixteen” and Scotty McCreery’s song “5 More Minutes.” When we’re young, all we want is to grow up and be able to drive, to go to college, to live on our own, to turn 21, to have our own job and apartment or house, to have our own money and be independent, to be married, whatever it may be. We rushed life so quickly. Kids these days don’t experience the horrors of wearing too-tight Abercrombie graphic tees, braces, and glasses in middle school while you’re 6 inches taller than your crush. They all go to Sephora and wear Invisalign and contacts. It’s just not the same. Growing up, we couldn’t wait to grow up. Not that I’m that grown up, but I wish I would’ve soaked it all in.
I used to say I peaked in middle school. I choose to believe now that isn’t true. Shockingly, I had quite a good time in middle school. Other than that time someone made a hate Instagram account about me and two of my friends. Oh, those were the days. I’m not quite sure if there is such a thing as a “peak” of someone’s life. That might have been a fad from 2017, where I swear I’m stuck. They say there’s a psychology thing where you’re stuck in whatever age you were when COVID started. But for some reason, in my mind, I’m 17. When I turned 21 and was at Food City buying a pack of White Claws, I was thinking “How in the world are they allowing me to do this? I’m only 17.” Well, turns out I was actually 21. Even still, I think, “How can I have a job and live in a different state? I’m a teenager.” News flash… I’m not.
Isn’t nostalgia such a funny thing? You spend your life wishing away your time, but when you look back you think, “What I wouldn’t give for 5 more minutes there.” During high school, I was so over it all. I was walking on eggshells every day, so anxious that my giant high school would be the next one on the news. I hated the drama. I hated the class system of high school. I hated the idea that there were cool versus uncool kids. Who cared? In 4 years, it didn’t matter who was cool and who wasn’t. So what if I liked history or reading books in my free time? I hated going to football games and sitting in the student section. And everyone told me I would regret not attending the last football game or homecoming dance. I didn’t care then.
I remember it was the last home game of my senior year and I left 5 minutes into the start of the game, ordered Seven Senses filet sliders to go, and watched Gossip Girl at home with Mary Grace instead. And to be honest, I don’t care now. I’ve never liked large crowds anyway. So, do what you want. Don’t let people try to guilt trip you for the sake of nostalgia.
The times in high school that I feel more nostalgic about are going to eat frozen yogurt with Mary Grace, Ben, and Caden. Or binge-watching the Harry Potter movies. Or the way Mary Grace and I would take turns bringing each other Starbucks. We’d get it the night before and reheat it for each other in the mornings. I miss when Natalie and I would go to Ralph’s or Big O and eat our weight and donuts and never gain a single pound.
I miss when we had research papers and we’d go to the Tech library to do research and chug five-hour energies. I miss the small, intimate moments with friends. I don’t miss cheering on my hometown sports team. That was never my thing. Spending time with those who meant the most to me, that’s what I miss. I know we can still do those things, but we’ve all moved on with our lives. It will never be the same as it was when we were 17 years old.
In my senior year of college, I was so fed up with the frat parties and the sorority drama. Our sorority got kicked off campus. Yep, that’s right. I feel like it’s bad if I tell you why, so if you don’t know, that’s probably better. They’re back though. Do not worry. I know you were concerned. I was never really into the whole sorority thing. Izzy was in it, so it felt like the right thing to do to follow in her footsteps. She was never really too involved either. I did it to make friends. Then after freshmen year, I had my friends. I didn’t have any need for it after that. I wasn’t into the mandatory meetings and the drama of why people don’t get to be members because they kissed the boy you like.
So, when my sorority was kicked off, I felt a wave of relief. I could have easily dropped the sorority, but my friends were still members, so for the sake of it, I stayed. I felt relieved that I didn’t have to attend meetings to talk about things like date parties on a Monday night. I felt relieved that I didn’t have to have an association with the sorority anymore. And I felt relieved that college was almost over. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. I was over people spilling beer down the front of my shirt and walking into the wrong room to see things I never want to see again. I was ready to move on with my life.
I’ve always been mature for my age. I’ve always been told that. The first few years of high school and college, I saw it less. But when I was nearing the end of both, I knew it was time for me to move on. There were bigger and better things out there for me. I knew that I had so much potential and I felt stuck doing the same gig every week. Change can be good, change can be tough, change can light a fire under you, or change can make you sink into a dark hole.
Something I think is important about change is it forces you to make a choice. You can either be excited for a new chapter or you can be stuck living in the past. I used to have a quote written on my chalkboard-painted door to my closet that said, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” I think about that a lot. I want to look back at my time and be grateful that I didn’t choose the path of least resistance. I chose the path that would make me grow, but I can still reminisce on my past and feel nostalgic for those special times.
When I think back on high school and college now, I don’t think about the times I didn’t want to dress up for a “hoedown” at the football game or go to another formal, I think about the friendships I created, the memories made while screaming Taylor Swift in the car, the trips to Sonic, whispering about our crushes in Clurg, and walking for miles around the mountain.
Isn’t it funny that seeing a horde of young boys riding their electric bikes elicits such a trip down memory lane? It’s crazy where your mind can take you when you start thinking about it. This was a bit of rambling today, but sometimes looking back and feeling nostalgic is good. But I never want to live in the past. I am so grateful for the memories I’ve made with so many fantastic people surrounding me, but I am also grateful for the opportunity to continue making new memories and look forward to my future. This blog has become my own personal journal. I do a few edits, but for the most part, this is exactly how I wrote it originally. Consider yourself lucky, you get a direct glimpse into my brain. And maybe football games and sororities are your everything. And that’s ok. I’m not saying that’s bad. It just wasn’t my everything. And that’s ok, too.
I hope you have a lovely Sunday and enjoyed a little food for thought. Stay tuned for my Mid-week Must Haves and Check out my latest menu!
Xx, Annie